The
Style Invitational Week 1000: We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters.
By
Pat Myers, Updated: Thursday, December
6, 2:56 PM
Today
we commemorate the 1,000th time that The Washington Post’s illustrious masthead
has been besmirched by The Style Invitational, its weekly repository for
clever, pointed, sophisticated, irreverent, off-color and occasionally juvenile
humor and wordplay — sometimes all of those in a single joke — from more than
4,500 devoted readers to date, some of whom have been entering the contest
since Week 1 in 1993, sending entries first by mail, then by fax, then
digitally (occasionally the third digit has come into play), to the Czar
through 2003 and to the Empress since.
Worldwide,
the Invitational’s name is best associated with what we’ve come to call Our
Greatest Hit: a neologism contest to change a word by a single letter and
define the result. Though we’ve repeated this contest several times over our
almost 20 years of existence, it’s a list of results from back in 1998 that
continues to be shared the most on the Internet, sometimes with the
hyper-inaccurate name of “Mensa Invitational” and usually including words that
weren’t Invite entries, but lame additions stuck onto it like deer ticks along
its endless tour through cyberspace.
So
let’s saddle up our most trusty of warhorses one more time: This week:
Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z;
then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or
transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. Remember that it’s
the original word, not your neologism, that has to begin with T through Z.
Winner
gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style
Invitational trophy. Second place receives the fine volume “Stuck Up!: 100
Objects Inserted and Ingested in Places They Shouldn’t Be,” donated by Jeff
Contompasis.
Other
runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the
ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser
magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday,
Dec. 17; results published Jan. 6 (online Jan. 3). No more than 25 entries per
entrant per week. Include “Week 1000” in your e-mail subject line or it might
be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The
subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Tom Witte, whose first Invite
ink was in Week 7; he now has more than 1,200 blots. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
Report
from Week 996, in
which we asked you to combine two magazines and describe the results, or name a
story that might be included: Some combinations that were funny on their own
without descriptions: Martha Stewart Living + American Jail = Better Homes
& Pardons (Richard Wong, Derwood, Md.); Road & Track + Gourmet =
Autobahn Appetit; plus Horse & Rider + Playboy = Undressage (Kathy
El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.); and Mad + GQ = Goofus & Gallant (Amanda
Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.).
The
winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Army
Times + Playboy: Featuring the special Biographers Issue. (Lawrence McGuire,
Waldorf, Md.)
2.
Winner of the rolling toy rat: Astronomy and Astrophysics + Nuclear Physics:
Sure, it has pictures of heavenly bodies, but I buy it for the particles. (Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase)
3.
Real Simple Sports Illustrated: This month’s action-packed issue highlights the
2012 International Tag Open. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
4.
Parenting + Commentary: Nagging (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Weaklies:
honorable mentions
Food & Wine + the International Journal of Transgenderism:
How to Eat, Drink and Be Mary. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Popular
Mechanics + Oil & Gas Journal: This month: DIY fracking in your backyard.
(Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
Philosophical
Review + High Times: The college freshman’s deep-thinking journal. Featuring
“But Suppose, Like, We’re All Living in an Alternative Universe Right Now, You
Know?” (Josh Feldblyum, Philadelphia)
Playboy
+ Popular Science: “Silicone: It’s Not Just for Bathtub Caulk!” (Frank Mann,
Washington, a First Offender)
Southern
Living + Guns & Ammo: “How to Deal With Lingering Guests” (Tony Medici,
Oakton, Va., a First Offender)
Stone
Soup + Cooking Light: “Pumice, the New White Meat” (Robert Schechter, Dix
Hills, N.Y.)
This
Old Penthouse: “Grab your tools, fellas, ’cause it’s time to get busy! (Rob
Huffman)
History
Today + Sunset: Continued coverage of Mitt Romney. (David Genser)
Women’s
Health + American Conservative: “Which Involuntary Invasive Ultrasound Is Right
for You?” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
AARP
the Magazine + Boxing News: “Sick of being patronized by people half your age?
This month, Sugar Ray Leonard shows you how to turn “How ARE we today, Mrs.
Johnson?” into sweet, sweet silence.” (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
Scouting
— Out: A magazine filled with blank pages for gay boys to write on while their
friends are on a camping trip. (Brian Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
Readers
Digest People: “Hannibal Lecter’s secret liver recipe!” (Joe Neff, Warrington,
Pa.; Rob Huffman)
Psychology
Today + Cigar Aficionado: Sometimes just cigars. (Tony Medici)
Celebrity
Hairstyles + Highlights for Children: “Honey Boo Boo Goes Blond on Blond!”
(Gary Crockett)
Where
+ AARP the Magazine: This month: “10 Most Likely Places You Left Your Keys” and
“10 Most Likely Places You Left Your Keys” (Frank Osen)
Science
Prevention: How to keep the evils of evolution from reaching your schoolkids.
(Howard Zahalsky, Vienna, Va., a First Offender)
Cat
Fancy + American Atheist = Dog does not exist! (Lawrence McGuire)
Self
O: Free with a subscription to Playboy. (Jason Russo, Annandale)
Papercrafts
Magazine + Hustler: Creative origami for dirty fold men. (Lawrence
McGuire)
Bluegrass
Unlimited + Men’s Health: An interview with Alan Flomax . (Roy Ashley,
Washington)
Psychology
Today + Mother Jones: “The Oedipus Complex Simplified” (Dixon Wragg, Santa
Rosa, Calif.)
Oxygen and Match!: Boom! (Chris Doyle)
And
Last: Inc. & Hustler: This entry definitely deserves to make the paper,
doesn’t it, Empress, huh? (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Next
week’s results: Unworthy Causes, or Broken Alms